Bitter Crazy White Boy Disease meets the Undefined Melancholy Islander Syndrome

What a whine of an entry. Please don't read if you're not in the mood.

Its great being cut cold from someones life. Why do I still care? Why can't I just turn my back on someone?

"Its against my code of ethics"

wow...all i was asking for was a hug....She might as well have told me I smelled like stank rotting cabbage. Even the sensation of my testicles meeting my kidneys after a swift knee in the groin would have been better. The drive that night seemed to wind on forever.

"you came all the way over to waste your time"

I didn't come with that expectation. But apparently I wasted hers. I've sorted through the reasons it came to an end, plenty of reasons, I've tried to seperate the idealized and optimized memories from the sobering reality and I'm still lost. Lost as to why I'm such a fucking idealist. Such an optimist in trying to regain lost relationships, in which the past two, I came up short in showing my love and gratitude, and fell with a loss of trust. Why do I choose to withold my display of heart, am I too far into my own humility that I drag myself beneath it all? I never thought of myself as romantically impaired. Recent expertise has informed me otherwise. And I believe it.

I'm white, male, in my early twenties. I have no culture to call my own, so I seek out anything else to define myself. I have spread myself well beyond thin beneath too many interests. No close relationships within my family. My hips wiggle too much. I make strange, unreadable faces and find myself emotionally stunted and deep in aphasia when the moment matters. I have mastered the uncomfortable silence that will leave you guessing. I'll make you wonderfully insecure when I tell you I lost 40 lbs without any efort, just came with the joy of a mildly debilitating physical depression. Have fun with my cryptic expressions! Easily bored in the absence of alcohol? Not much of a conversationalist? Sorry, can't help you there.

Theres a singles ad for you. No sexy appealing headline included either, just:

"Please?"

so bitter and without prose tonight. Oh well. Poetic retribution will have to wait.
fuck.